Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
