I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
what day is it and did you see me today?
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
