omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Randomize
