We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Randomize
