this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
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