New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
