the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
