Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
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