Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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