The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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