I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
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