We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Randomize
