So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Randomize
