so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
