The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
