I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
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