you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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