I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
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Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
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I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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