yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
