She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
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