i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
