do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
