I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
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