Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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