Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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