You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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