you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Randomize
