i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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