She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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