i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
