Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
