He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize