I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
