dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
