i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I was not drunk enough for that final.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
