Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Randomize
