well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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