The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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