I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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