she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
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