Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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