you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
