I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
