Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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