i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
