Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize
