I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
