I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
