yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
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