Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
