I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
