so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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