he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
