Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
