theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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