just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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