i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize