I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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