So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
You ate ashes out of my bong
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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