Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
