Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
the raccoons are back...
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize