Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
