Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
