I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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