I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
